Fathers are Fantastic

Due to thanksgiving this week we only meet in class one time, but during that one time we talked a lot about fathers and finances. If you are like me I really don't like talking about finances, it just stresses me out and makes me scared that one day I will have millions in debt (silly I know). So instead of talking about such a sad and serious topic I want to talk today about FATHERS!

We were asked to find a research article on the benefits of having a father or father figure in the home and discuss why we feel these are important. My blog post this week is mostly going to be based on my paper so here it goes.

"My dad is the best dad ever." This is something you hear everyone say on fathers day, but I am hear to tell you that if you have ever said this you are terribly wrong and I am sorry to be the one to break the news to you. Truth is my dad really is the best, now although that is crazy and silly it is true. My dad is the best dad ever for ME.

In the research article I found 5 pieces of information I found the most important, they are:
1. A father provides protection for their children, economic support and a male role model.
2. Children who feel a closeness and warmth with their father are twice as likely to enter college.
3. Father encourage competition with leads to independence.
4. A child's happiness, well-being, social and academic success is based on their relationship with their father.
5. Fathers introduce children to a wide variety of ways to deal with life and provide kids with social experiences.

So as you read that list I hope it got you thinking of some things you agree with or disagree with. I hope it got your wheels turning to all the things your father did for you or all the things you wish your father would have done for you. Whether your father is a superstar dad or a dead beat, fathers impact their children's lives more than I think they sometimes realize.

I can easily say my dad was all of these things for me. Throughout my life I have learned how important the role of a father is to his children. He is one of my favorite people. My dad was a superhero in my eyes, I still remember being scared of monsters in my closet when I was little. My dad opened up our front door and yelled outside for all the monsters to leave our house alone. Of course I believed him because my dad was invincible. One thing I would like to point out though is that a relationship between a father and child takes some effort. I know I would not have the relationship I have with my dad today if I hadn't gone on plenty of road trips with him, spent days just him & I, and involved him in what was going on in my life. Because we had a relationship well established when I was younger it made the hard teenage years a little easier I like to think. I saw a lot of my friends completely fall away from their parents, for me that was never an option because our bond was already so strong.

I would like to also mention that the relationship between my father and I isn't perfect and I am sure there was some times it was really bad, but I think the important thing is we both keep working at it. He has loved me my whole life, he always has believed in me & in my dreams, even when I know he wasn't impressed with some choices I made he still stood by me. I can't imagine going through life without knowing my dad loved and supported me. That is a huge thing for a child growing up. Fathers are so so important to children, more than they probably realize.

So today, this thanksgiving holiday, express your love to your father. I am sure if you think hard enough they really have shaped you into who you are today.
Thanks for reading & have a great day!

The BEST dad out there!

Communication & Counseling

"Talk to me" is a phrase I can often be found saying to my husband. Communication is the one of the only ways humans are able to form deep and close relationships, its no wonder that there is so much focus on this important subject. We are constantly communicating whether we are talking or not, our words are really actually only about 14% of overall communication. Some people would be surprised to know that the tone of which we saying something is actually 35% and our nonverbal is whooping 51%. Nonverbal communication is huge! One thing I would like to ask my readers is what do you think of the silent treatment? Silent treatment is huge for so many relationships, I remember giving it to boyfriends, my parents and siblings all growing up. Was it really effective? Did it serve the purpose that I wanted it to? I honestly don't know. What are your thought?

Communication is something I can constantly be working on. I am going to get a little person here and talk about some things I can improve with my communication and hopefully that makes you think of some things you can improve on as well. I have a big problem when it comes to communication because I also like to assume I know what someone is thinking about the situation, feeling or meaning. This has effected a lot of my relationships with family and friends. IF you happen to find yourself tending to be like me, I would like to challenge you to not jump to conclusion. One goal that I am going to set for myself as I try to change this is to ask the person what they are feeling/thinking instead of assuming. 

There is one important thing I would like to talk about that struck me during this discussion was a quote my teacher said, "Everyone has problems, what is important is the way we talk about them and handle them." I couldn't agree more with this statement. Everyone has problems of course and as hard as it may be for people its important to talk about them and make sure we come up with appropriate solutions. This is just a little thought I would like you all to think about. 

Counseling is the next thing I would like to talk about. We discussed in class the way that our leaders of the church counsel. I am sure most Mormons already know this, but for those of you who don't know our leaders meet in the LDS Temple every Thursday morning to counsel about things happening. They have a very profound order of the way they do things, first they begin with sharing things they love and appreciate about each other, they then pray to open the meeting for the spirit to be with them, then they discuss the topics that need to be talked about in order of seniority, they close with a prayer and end with refreshments. Of course I could go into more detail and talk about the importance of each of these but instead I would like to focus on something else. 

Growing up we always held a family counsel on Sunday Evenings. Our counsels were not this structured and we didn't do all these different things but I would like to implement them into my future family. In my family growing up we would go through the activities for the week and see what each person would be doing. We would then talk about anything that someone was having a hard time with or just wanted to talk about. They would usually be very sweet and short and to the point. Although these aren't perfect I would say the idea of the concept that my parents were instilling in us is great. 

My Perfect Family Counsel I want to go a little something like this:

• Start with sharing good news of someone else in the family that week (ex: if someone did great on a test or if someone won their basketball game.)
• Then open with prayer
• After that I would have someone take turns reading the family calendar off so we could see what we have going on that week or 2 weeks or whatever.
• Then we would have a time for anyone to bring up any issues that have been going on or any questions that they may have that effect the whole family (if they are personal I will make sure my kids know they can ask their parents after the counsel is over and we can discuss in private)
• Then we would have refreshments and close the meeting

This is something I would like to start with my husband now so that we get into the habit of it when we have kids. Do any of you have family counsel traditions that you have liked or disliked? I would love to hear any comments! 

Thanks for reading guys & have a great day!

Stressin' out the Family

Stress is literally my least favorite word. When I hear the word I just feel overwhelmed and uptight, it is the worst word in the human language. But nevertheless, stress is what we talked about this week in our classes. This blog post is a little hard for me to decide what direction I want to take. With this topic I feel like there is a million awful, sad things I could talk about but instead I would like to talk about some really cool insight I discovered as we talked in class.

Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people, we all know this to be true. I think we wouldn't be lying if we don't admit at least one time in our lives we have asked, "Why me?" This question seems to be normal to turn to when things aren't going as planned, which is very normal in life. I have seen so many families in my life go through very hard things that I would never wish upon my worst enemy, but the really cool thing I more often than not see with these families is that they come out of the affliction or trial stronger than ever. I know that sounds cliche and lame but I think there really is some truth to it. When you are in a longer term relationship with your significant other it is assumed that you will fight and have hard times, for me when I think about the hard times I have gone through with my husband it really strengthens my love for him and appreciation for our relationship. I take more pride in my relationship because I have worked hard to make it the way that it is. I think this is the same way with overcoming stress and crisis in the family.

I would like to share a story about my friend who I feel has a pretty tough hand of cards when it comes to family stress and crisis. My friend has been married for over 4 years and has been trying to get pregnant for the past 2 years. She was married in the temple to a good guy who came from a good family. A few years down the road her husbands entire family started to leave the church, all the siblings and the parents have decided to leave the Mormon church and joined an anti Mormon church basically. My friend and her husband have tried to remain strong as her in-laws have completely made fun of their beliefs and tried to persuade them to leave the Mormon church as well, often getting the husband pretty close. My friend is far away from her family and lives a block away from these in-laws, she is literally always with them which makes this situation that much harder for her. On top of all this she has been struggling to get pregnant for 2 years and has experienced 2 miscarriages. She would love to move if her husband would let them but knows that probably isn't an option right now. Although she is trying to do her best she has often broke down to me crying, saying she feels very alone and like she is barely keeping her head above water.

This is an example in my life I feel of bad things happening to good people, she is a great person and doesn't deserve this in my opinion. This was my view about this for quite a long time until we had this discussion in class. In class someone made a comment that they felt Heavenly Father would never give someone something they couldn't handle. (well, duh I have heard this before but just wait there is more coming) They also said they have a feeling that we all signed up for what was going to happen to us before coming down to earth. This statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been thinking about my friend a lot lately and suddenly it all made sense. She was given all these challenges because she knew in the pre-earth life that she was capable of handling all this. I had never thought of anything in this way before. I was shocked. This also means that everything I go through and I ask "Why me?" I also signed up for and I am capable of getting through it. I think this is a great message for us all to remember in family stress, we are capable of overcoming it because we signed up for this.

Although stress in family can be really hard and over whelming it is possible to overcome. Many families have great techniques for dealing with stress and crisis. I would love to hear what you and your family do! Please share!

Have a great day & thanks for reading!

Lets talk about Sex....

Awkward... I just used the S word in my title. I know, I know. But this week in class our topic was sexual intimacy in the family. This is a huge topic within marriage and I know it is not discussed very often in Mormon culture so I would like to talk about that a little.
One of the most interesting things about getting engaged and then getting married in the Mormon culture is that our entire lives we are told that sex it bad and that it is dirty. This is how myself and a lot of others view these lessons and talks that we all heard growing up. Then one day suddenly it all becomes good and encouraged to do with your spouse. This can be confusing for many people and I can't help but want to change this experience for young adults who first get married.  I would just like to suggest that maybe as we prepare to have children and teach them about sex we let them know how special and sacred sexual intimacy is between a husband and wife lawfully wedded.
Which leads me to the next thing I would like to talk about, teaching our children about sex. When I think about this and how important this is as a parent I get very nervous because I know how big of a deal parenting will be. It will be the biggest, most greatest thing I will ever do in my life. I thought about some things I hope my children will know as they grow up, I will share some with you.

1. From a young age throughout the whole entire childhood I want them to know that their parents love each other. 
2. I want them to understand that their bodies are special and sacred gifts from a Heavenly Father that loves us so much. (This would entail that I would never want them to expose their bodies in inappropriate ways and also that they should take good care of their bodies.)
3. I want my kids to know if anything every happens to them regarding their bodies that it is okay to talk about me about it, and they should never feel embarrassed. (I also want them to know in that area nothing is ever their fault.)
4. I want my kids to know they can come to me or my husband with any questions they may have regarding sex and their bodies. 
5. I want to have an open relationship with my children about their relationships with other people, my husband and I want to help them avoid heart ache and mistakes we have experienced and witnessed. 
6. I want my children to know sex is a beautiful thing when practiced with someone you really love within the bonds of marriage. (I want them to know that even though the world does not view it this way, our family does view it as the most special form of love.

These are just a few things I want my family to understand. In this world with so many things going on around us I know that it is going to be hard to continue to defend the sacredness of sexual intimacy within marriage. I can't even imagine the type of world that my children are going to grow up in but I pray that I will be able to teach them correct principles. 

I know that the world may not have the same views as sexual intimacy within marriage as I do, but I believe that when exercised properly it is the most incredible sign of love. It has brought me and my husband closer than I ever thought possible and has shown me what real love is. I am grateful I have a loving Heavenly Father who trusts us to use this small portion of His divine power.

Keep on spreading the love, and have a great day!